What Could Have Been?
by EmeraldJewelSparkle
Summary: The day she took her girls and left broke Alex Trager. His world was too dangerous to raise the girls in but there were always moments that she regretted her decision. She loved him, always would. One Shot.


A/N: This is something that came to me while I was listening to 'Behind Blue Eyes' by Limp Bizkit. We have never heard enough of the back-story of Tigs ex-wife so this is my interpretation of why she left. I do think that at some stage Tig must have loved her, he had two children with her. But his life killed that love and his mind processed it by shutting out the good times they had together.

* * *

Sitting outside of the Teller Morrow lot watching Dawn and Fawn walking towards Gemma, I rested my head against the steering wheel of my car. It had been a few weeks since the girls had seen their father and they missed him.

Dropping the girls off at Teller Morrow is the only way they see their father these days. I always ring Gemma and give her a heads up that we're coming, but Alex never gets any warning. I just can't bring myself to talk to him anymore. What would I say? Where would I even start? Every time I see him I just want to be wrapped up in those strong arms of his and cry away this pain. The last time we spoke he had me pinned against a wall, knowing that my desire for him is still as strong as it always has been. He knows I want him and he damn well knew that day that if he said all the right things my willpower would crumble. It's so hard to resist him; I love him so much but if I let him back into my pants… my life… my home what sort of mother would that make me? It's not just me anymore, I have to protect our daughters.

The girls have been through too much, seen too many bad things. He tried to shield us, tried his hardest to protect us but he just couldn't do it. The way he has chosen to live his life meant that we became targets. The final straw was when one of the clubs enemies tried to kidnap the three of us to use as leverage. Luckily him, Happy and Kozic rescued us before they got us out of Charming but it should never have gotten that far. It should never have happened.

I know he loves those girls, loves me but it is not enough, not after that. The girls can't even sleep in their own beds anymore, every night we set up camp on mattresses in the lounge room. I know he can't walk away from who he is, that damn club will always be there. They will always take priority but where does that leave us? I can't raise two teenage girls in the Clubhouse and when I think about what could have been it hurts so much. The day that i finally came to realise that he was never really mine, my heart shattered.

Roaring into sleepy little Charming with JT and a few of the other first nine he had made quite an impression on the local girls. He was young, wild and dangerous and from the moment I set eyes on him I knew he was the one for me. I was working at the only gas station in town so he came in quite frequently to fill up. At first I got a smile, a nod and a nice tip but as the days turned into weeks then months he stopped for gas more often. He usually showed up in the quiet hours after midnight, always lingering, having a smoke while he watched me through the glass windows. One quiet night he had struck up a conversation and before too long we were never apart.

I knew the deal, wasn't naive. Alex was in an MC, his loyalties were always first and foremost to the club. I never wanted him to give up the club or even stop being who he was. I did think that getting inked and knowing that I was pregnant with his child would shift his loyalties towards our family. I was wrong, I know that now.

Those dazzling blue eyes lured me into his life, into his world. Those eyes betrayed him though; they hold secrets that would cripple any normal man. They told me of the pain and humiliation he had suffered, his past is torturous and the internal scars that he carries from his childhood haunt his dreams at night. Honestly, it's no wonder he likes to torture people. Yeah I said it, I know what he does. It's no secret when you're in the life who my husband is. Patches from all over the country know who he is; know not to mess with him. The mother charters SAA is dangerous and twisted he is their most powerful enforcer.

But I fell in love with Alex not Tig. The man I know would take me on long rides into the countryside, would wake me up on my birthday to a room filled with roses and would sit at home for hours watching cartoons with his kids. Now, after talking with Gemma and Bobby, I know that side of him is gone. When I took the girls and left he begged me not to go, I've never seen him so upset. What choice did i have, I had to do it; I had to stay strong and save my girls.

When we drove away the look of despair on his face almost caused me to turn around and come back home. I think that day broke him, taking his girls shattered the last remaining remnants of Alex. Only Tig remains now and no matter how much I love him, how much I want to be with him I have to let go. If only he could have kept us safe, if only…

Turning the engine over with tears in my eyes i glanced towards the lot one more time as i shifted the car into gear. Unbeknownst to me Tig had been watching me sitting in the car the entire time. As our eyes met sadness and regret filled our hearts knowing what we had lost, knowing what can never be again. Wiping the back of his hand across his cheek Tig wiped away a single tear, mouthed "I'm sorry" and headed back into the lot.


End file.
